


Sal

by Freddy_T_who_Never_Wont_not_be



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, I'll just let you see for yourself, It's quality is debatable but I still like it., Made in 2018, When I had the audacity to think I could pull this off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:21:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29247957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freddy_T_who_Never_Wont_not_be/pseuds/Freddy_T_who_Never_Wont_not_be
Summary: A story comprised entirely of subplots.
Relationships: Friendships - Relationship





	1. Charachters

CHARACTERS:

SAL: A prone to anger bossy boots

TIM: SAL’S friend.

TOM: Relationship with Tim is unknown.

J: A cape-wearing, sword-bearing someone with a sky blue tricorn hat.

A KID NAMED PAT

MR. CAT

PERSON 1

PERSON 2

PAUL

THE EXTRAS


	2. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tale begins

Prologue

scene 1

[ _ A bare stage. ALL CAST are standing on it. _ ]

SAL

| 

Greetings, folks, my name is Sal

TIM is here, he is my pal.

TOM's his brother [ _TIM shakes his head_ ] cousin [ _TIM shakes his head_ ] friend?  
  
---|---  
  
J

| 

And you folks are here to watch us play pretend!  
  
SAL

| 

I'm speaking, TOM, don't interrupt!  
  
J

| 

My name is J...   
  
SAL

| 

You're TOM now, Shut up!  
  
[ _J and TOM's roles will be switched for the rest of the play_ ]  
  
SAL

| 

Sooner we start, Sooner we're done

So, why wait? On with Act One!  
  
ALL CAST that have not been mentioned:

| 

What of us? We're important too!  
  
SAL

| 

Stop that fuss! Go backstage! SHOO!  
  
[END PROLOGUE]

[CURTAINS FALL]

[ONCE IT'S DOWN]

[EXEUNT ALL]


	3. Act 1

Act 1

scene 1.

[ _ The country, a park, or a garden, filled with colorful wildflowers. There is a large oak tree in the background. TIM is standing in front of it. TOM is hiding behind it _ ]

SAL [ _Skipping onto the stage_ ]: 

| 

A silly song of sprightly Spring

Where birds take flight on wing and sing

The flowers bloom

A silent boom

Explosion of the colored things.  
  
---|---  
  
TIM

| 

If I may, pray, please enquire,

What has ceased your oft-flamed ire?  
  
SAL

| 

Look around! I'll never tire,

Flowers brighter than a fire.

Anger here just will not last.  
  
TIM

| 

Even yours?   
  
TOM [ _Jumping out from the back of the tree_ ]

| 

Don't be so crass!

Don't spoil it 'fore the moment's past!

Just sit here and enjoy the grass!  
  
TIM+SAL

| 

Where'd you come from?   
  
TOM

| 

I'm very fast!  
  
J [ _sweeps in with a cape_ ]

| 

It seems that I came here exactly on time,

My query, inquiry, why we speak in rhyme,  
  
[ _ALL silent_ ]  
  
TIM

| 

It must be arduous to rehearse.  
  
TOM

| 

It's simply fun to speak in verse!  
  
[ _TIM &TOM HI-FIVE_]  
  
J

| 

You've not answered question, nor satified doubt

I'll search and find out what this rhyme's all about!

[ _Exit J_ ]  
  
T&T

| 

He didn't seem to see the spring.  
  
SAL

| 

Who doesn't like to rhyme and sing?  
  
[ _Exeunt ALL_ ]  
  
Scene 2

[A KID NAMED PAT enters the scene carrying a lasso tied to a tire. A KID NAMED PAT lassoes a branch and starts to swing on the tire.]

PAT

| 

Tally-ho tally-ho, swing a song so merry

Once I'm done singing this song, then I will meet a fairy.

Tally-ho, tally-ho, sing a song so silly...

[ _Aside_ ] Silly, silly, what rhymes with silly?

[ _Aloud_ ] Go after the birds right now... and they'll fly willy nilly!  
  
---|---  
  
[ _Silence, PAT stops swinging_ ]  
  
PAT

| 

No fairy come?

Well that's just dumb.  
  
MR CAT [ _Appearing in a puff of smoke_ ]

| 

What was that?

Did someone sing?

I, MR. CAT

Grant wish-y things.  
  
PAT

| 

Are you a fairy?  
  
MR CAT

| 

On the contrary,

But I've this magic hat.  
  
PAT

| 

Sir Cat?  
  
MR CAT

| 

Yes, Brat?  
  
PAT

| 

I'm Pat.  
  
MR CAT

| 

Yes, Pat?  
  
PAT

| 

I want a Bat.  
  
MR CAT

| 

A flying rat?  
  
PAT

| 

To eat the gnats  
  
MR CAT

| 

You'll make it fat!  
  
PAT

| 

And when it flies?  
  
MR CAT

| 

Will fall down splat!  
  
PAT

| 

Be pancake flat?  
  
MR CAT

| 

Yes, that  
  
PAT

| 

Well, drat.  
  
[ _MR CAT's hat falls off his head. A baseball bat comes out from underneath it._ ]  
  
PAT

| 

Sir cat?  
  
MR CAT

| 

Yes, Pat?  
  
PAT

| 

It sat!  
  
MR CAT

| 

My hat?  
  
PAT

| 

And spat!  
  
MR CAT

| 

What's that?  
  
PAT

| 

A bat!  
  
MR CAT

| 

Well, drat.  
  
[ _MR CAT picks up his hat, and to the PAT he gives the bat_ ]  
  
MR CAT

| 

I hate this hat!

I'll squash it flat!

I'll throw it down

to make a splat!  
  
[ _Exit MR CAT_ ]  
  
PAT

| 

Bat's nice and all,

Still need a ball.  
  
[ _Exit KID_ ]  
  
SCENE 3

[ _ J is watching P1 and P2 Feeding fish by the Lake. _ ]

P1&P2

| 

Feed, fish, on bread of life,

You're safe inside your little lake.

Your days are spent sans silly strife,

just swimming 'round where naught's at stake.  
  
---|---  
  
P1

| 

In all my life I've just one wish!  
  
P2

| 

Tell me now what you desire  
  
P1

| 

To swim and sing and be a fish!  
  
P2

| 

'Fore being fried up in a fire.  
  
P1

| 

I won't end up on someone's dish.  
  
P2

| 

I'd grill you on a metal spire.  
  
P1 &P2

| 

So feed, fish by our gen'rous hands.

Be all relaxed, calm and content.

On bed of pond, the softest sands,

not thinking means a life well-spent.  
  
J:

| 

Your last words mean nothing, but I don't suppose,

You'd rather have meaning by speaking in prose?  
  
P1

| 

Do you know what this prose thing is?  
  
P2

| 

I haven't the foggiest clue.  
  
P1

| 

I'm questioning this mind of his.  
  
P2

| 

Why don't we just ask him? [ _to J_ ] Hey you!  
  
P1&P2

| 

What does this whole prose thing entail?

And why does its thought fill you?  
  
P1

| 

Is it a creature?   
  
P2

| 

Like spider?  
  
P1

| 

Or whale?  
  
P1&P2

| 

Tell us what we must do!  
  
J

| 

This may be suprising, just sit in your seats:

It's writing and talk without rhyming or beats!  
  
ALL PEOPLE IN CAST AND CREW EXCEPT J

| 

Speech without rhyming? That's simply absurd!

Why would you do such a thing to a word?  
  
[END ACT 1

THE CURTAIN WILL FALL

ONCE THAT IS DONE

EXEUNT ALL]  



	4. Act 2

Act 2

scene 1.

[Half the stage is atop a cliff. There is a pine tree and a lake near the top of a cliff. PAUL is sitting at the edge of the cliff flying a kite.]

  
  


PAUL

| 

Fly high in the sky!  
  
---|---  
  
J [From offstage]

| 

Why do you sing!?  
  
PAUL

| 

[To J] Don't ask me why!

[To self] Fly like a bird that will not die.

Fly in the sky

light's loveliest lie.

The wind will try

to make you die

but do not cry

use it to fly!  
  
[Enter PAT]  
  
BOTH

| 

Hullo there!   
  
PAUL

| 

I am Paul.  
  
PAT

| 

My name is Pat.

Have you a ball?  
  
PAUL

| 

No, not at all.  
  
PAT

| 

I know a way

to play all day 

So here's the thing

I want to say.

I have a bat.

You need a ball.

We must both sing

The fairy call!  
  
BOTH

| 

Tally-ho, tally-ho, sing a song so merry

Once we're done singing this song, then we will meet a fairy.

Tally-ho, tally-ho, sing a song of magic

Once song is done, we will have fun! Else this day will be tragic.  
  
[Enter MR. CAT in a puff of smoke]  
  
MR CAT

| 

What was that?

Did someone sing?

I, MR. CAT

Grant wish-y... [MR CAT notices PAT] things.

  


[To PAT] Pat, you brat! Get on now! scat!

You've just one wish in all.  
  
PAT

| 

Swear on my Bat

it's not like that!  
  
PAUL

| 

Hello, my name is Paul.  
  
MR CAT

| 

Yes, Paul?  
  
PAUL

| 

Want ball.  
  
MR CAT

| 

That's all?  
  
PAUL

| 

That's big, not small.  
  
PAT

| 

And round, not tall!  
  
MR CAT

| 

Will that be all?  
  
PAUL&PAT

| 

Go on, don't stall!  
  
MR CAT

| 

[Aside] f'I push, they'll fall.

[To Paul and Pat] All right, your call.

Just do not brawl.

[MR CAT reaches in his hat, he takes it off his head]

Come throw us a ball!

[But what is that? It's ribbon-filled instead!]  
  
[The tree opens up/unrolls to reveal the wall of a ballroom with large windows and curtains. Outside one of the windows, there is an orange tree by a lake on top of a grassy hill. Enter THE EXTRAS in victorian fancy dress. THE EXTRAS start slow dancing, occasionally whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears in silent couplets.]  
  
PAUL

| 

Something's wrong.   
  
PAT

| 

A dancing hall?  
  
PAUL

| 

I don't like this.   
  
PAT

| 

No, not at all.  
  
[Exeunt PAT&PAUL]  
  
MR CAT 

| 

[Still pulling out multicolored ribbons from his hat]

Now that, hat, you've had your fun.

I must ask you, ¿Are you done?

[The hat runs out of ribbons]

[Exit MR CAT]  
  
There once was a cape wearing bloke

who wanted to change how we spoke

he seemed so bemused

when we flatly refused

that he's now the punchline of a joke.

Scene 2.

[Enter SAL, TIM, and TOM.]

TOM:

| 

My legs are tired, don't wish to steer,

I simply wish to rest right here.  
  
---|---  
  
SAL:

| 

Come on, get up, and move your rear!

The cliff is high, the coast is clear.

Let's climb this thing!  
  
TIM:

| 

What's that?  
  
TOM:

| 

Oh dear.  
  
ALL THREE:

| 

There's something fishy in the air,

For what's a ballroom boing there?  
  
SAL:

| 

I'll climb the cliff like flight of stairs!

That's not the place to put a fair.

_[SAL runs to the cliff face and starts to climb it.]_  
  
TOM:

| 

What will you do, give sharp-eyed glares?  
  
SAL:

| 

Destroy the evil dancing lair!  
  
TIM:

| 

And break your bones, you're not a bear.  
  
SAL:

| 

I will not heed, I do not care.  
  
TIM:

| 

Then I'll come with you, since I dare.

_[TIM begins to climb the cliff face.]_  
  
TOM:

| 

Don't anger dainty dancers stiff!

I won't mourn if you're thrown off cliff.  
  
_[SAL reaches the top of the cliff, followed closely by TIM.]_  
  
SAL _[to EXTRAS and P1 &P2]:_

| 

Alright, tell me, what is this place?

That's filled with garish locks of lace.  
  
TIM:

| 

You fellows dance with poise and grace.  
  
TIM & SAL:

| 

Why place this place by a cliff face?  
  
_[Persons 1 and 2 step out from among the extras]_  
  
P2:

| 

Greetings, fine and dandy fellows!  
  
P1:

| 

Tell us, please, your names perchance?  
  
P2:

| 

No need to talk in yells and bellows,  
  
P1:

| 

Don't question it, just come and dance!  
  
SAL:

| 

You wish for me to preen and prance?  
  
TIM ( _to SAL_ ):

| 

They both seemed so smart at first glance.  
  
SAL:

| 

Let's run this place through with a lance!

_[SAL takes one of the candles on the wall. The candle is actually a lance.]_  
  
TIM: is 

| 

_[Aside]_ Her anger's put her in a trance!

(s)he thinks him/herself a gallant knight!

(s)he's hardy lived a gallant night.

I have to stop his/her gallant fight!

_[to SAL]_ You're giving me a gallant fright!  
  
SAL:

| 

But I shall win this gallant fight,

as day becomes a gallant night,

so I am Sal, the gallant Knight!

Come on now, Tim, and draw your sword!

_[SAL starts rushing at the EXTRAS, who run away.]_  
  
TIM _[While SAL does so]_ :

| 

I'm not an Evil overlord.

Quite frankly I am getting bored

_[to Persons 1 and 2]_

Does this place have some fruit drinks stored?  
  
P1:

| 

Aye...  
  
P2:

| 

No.  
  
P1:

| 

I...  
  
P2:

| 

Know?

_[P1 nods his head.]_  
  
BOTH P1 AND P2:

| 

We'll show you where to go  
  
SCENE 3

_ [PAUL and PAT are offstage, flying kites on the low end of a cliff.] _

TOM:

| 

I told both you folk to beware!

What on earth's happ'ning in there?

Do I hear sounds of screams and fights?

Has SAL at last shown off her might?

And who's flying those lovely kites?

I'm in the dark, please shed some light!  
  
---|---  
  
_[Enter PAUL and PAT.]_  
  
PAUL and PAT:

| 

Oh, wishing is a stupid thing,  
  
PAUL:

| 

Lest it's to sleep in bed.  
  
PAUL and PAT:

| 

I'd rather make a paper wing,  
  
PAT:

| 

And see it fly instead.  
  
PAUL and PAT:

| 

Oh, magic spells are not the way,  
  
PAUL:

| 

They just blow up your head.  
  
PAUL and PAT:

| 

So let's just fly away the day.  
  
PAT:

| 

We'll sup on soup and bread.  
  
| 

  
  
  
TOM:

| 

Children, here's what I've to say,

Though my name's TOM, I'm truly J,

You seem to have a tale so tragic,

Pray tell me, now why you hate magic.  
  
PAT:

| 

It's not a tale,   
  
PAUL:

| 

We wish to tell,  
  
PAT:

| 

So like a gale,   
  
PAUL:

| 

We fare thee well.  
  
_[Enter J]_  
  
PAUL and PÀT:

| 

J, you're seeming quite morose,

are you a madman, still for prose?  
  
J:

| 

For solving the puzzle, my will grows and grows

My only thoughts are: It would be so sublime,

If we lost our restrictions and spoke not in rhyme.  
  
PAUL [to PÀT]

| 

Well, he's a real jolly elf.  
  
TOM:

| 

You say “speak in prose” you don't do so yourself.  
  
_[Silence]_  
  
J:

| 

Hello, my good people, my fairweather three,

Can we switch back, now from SAL we are free?

I hardly know your part, you hardly know me.  
  
TOM:

| 

Your offer's compelling, but I disagree.  
  
J:

| 

But now is our chance, my good friend, don't you see?  
  
TOM:

| 

If SAL really were gone, then I'd switch with glee,

But SAL is still both near and strong.

It's far more safe to play along  
  
TOM and J:

| 

For now.  
  
[END ACT 2

CURTAIN FALL,

ONCE IT'S THROUGH,

EXEUNT ALL]


	5. Act 3

Act 3

[A clearing in the woods. A maple tree by the lake in the middle of it. A signpost with arrows pointing to the park, the cliff, the watermelon store, and the secret project mountainforest base, all of which point in the wrong direction except for the watermelon store. The audience don't know this.]

scene 1.

[MR. CAT is lying on a hammock, eating a slice of margharita Pizza and holding his hat, contemplating it. There is a statue of a man in caveman clothes that looks to be made of sugar near him.]

MR. CAT:

| 

I am not a madman, a madman, a madman,

I am not a madman, but merely half insane

T's all merely half inane!

I tried to beat it with my brain,

I asked my hat for sugar cane,

Then, as if just to cause me pain,

It gave me Abel's brother.  
  
---|---  
  
_[Enter EXTRAS, running away screaming discordantly, followed closely by SAL, still wielding the lance. Exit EXTRAS, still screaming.]_  
  
SAL:

| 

I've seemed to scare them off for good,

Now how am I to leave this wood?  
  
MR CAT:

| 

Who's the person in the hood?  
  
SAL:

| 

I'm Sal, the great knight.   
  
MR CAT:

| 

Understood.  
  
SAL:

| 

Are you a fairy, forest ghost?  
  
MR CAT:

| 

That question they ask me the most.

I'm just wish hat's unwilling host.

I think you need a sign-filled post!

_[CAT points to the signpost.]_  
  
SAL:

| 

May I ask your hat for toast?  
  
MR CAT:

| 

F'you want a crystal wineglass coast.  
  
SAL:

| 

What do you mean, now, may I ask?  
  
MR CAT:

| 

Just don't tell it to do a task.

I've given up, won't even try.

And so to you I'll say goodbye.  
  
_[Exit MR CAT in a puff of smoke.]_  
  
SAL:

| 

Where did the Magic fairy go?

(He had to be, though he said no)

Well, here's the sign-y post, and so,

Now where to walk I know,

And so,

I'll go.  
  
_[Exit SAL in direction of playgound.]_  
  
Scene two.

_ [Enter Persons 1 and 2 and TIM, searching for something.] _

P1:

| 

We've looked for it both far and near,  
  
---|---  
  
P2:

| 

The old elusive juice drink flask,  
  
P1:

| 

If t'ever was, it is not here.  
  
P2:

| 

I fear we've failed in our task.  
  
TIM:

| 

No harm no foul, but I must ask,

Why'd you not run from Sal in fear?  
  
P1:

| 

Sal? Is that the lance lass/lad's name?  
  
P2:

| 

We're rather used to rowdy fights.  
  
P1:

| 

It's fun to run, though all the same.  
  
P2 _[to P1]_ :

| 

You'd know, you run from all your fights.  
  
P1 _[to P2]_ :

| 

On who were all those plighs to blame?  
  
P2:

| 

Come now, let's cease, and fly some kites.  
  
P1&2 _[start to exit in the opposite direction_ _from where they entered.]_

| 

Oh, tally--   
  
TIM:

| 

Wait! Don't leave just yet!

Do you know where we are?  
  
_[Silence, as everyone thinks.]_  
  
P1:

| 

We're lost!   
  
P2 _[Looking up]_ :

| 

What's that?  
  
TIM:

| 

The evening star!  
  
ALL:

| 

The sun's about to set!  
  
P1:

| 

Don't fret,  
  
P2:

| 

Just yet.  
  
P1:

| 

Just let  
  
P2:

| 

Us get  
  
P1&2

| 

An orienting tell.  
  
P1:

| 

A compass,  
  
P2:

| 

Map,  
  
P1:

| 

Or fighter jet,  
  
_[They stumble across the signpost.]_  
  
P1&P2

| 

A signpost works as well.  
  
_[Exeunt ALL, the signpost moves the opposite_ _direction as the actors.]_  
  
Scene three.

_ [Enter J, holding a large book with the words “PROSE, by Alfred Troodenberry” in large, friendly letters on the front cover.] _

J:

| 

I seem to have hit a small bump in the road,

It says if I use prose, my head might explode!

Although in a pinch I would rather not die,

What harm can it do? I'll just give it a try.

_[J takes a deep breath]_  
  
---|---  
  
_[Enter TOM]:_

| 

In case you die, I'll get a hearse.  
  
J:

| 

I'm freeing myself from the shackles of verse!

  


What did you say, my friend Tom? Did it work?  
  
TOM:

| 

I rhymed again, Sorry, I am a jerk.  
  
J:

| 

The way that I see it, it is for the best.

I don't want my head to go boom for a test.

I simply don't know, Tom, have you good advice?  
  
TOM:

| 

Ask SAL “Switch us back!” and then hope she'll be nice.  
  
_[Eeunt J and TOM.]_  
  
Scene four.

_ [Enter SAL, lance in hand. SAL sits in front of a tree. Enter P1, P2, and TIM, from a direction where it's obvious they cannot see SAL.] _

P2:

| 

So, tell us more of lance-lass SAL.  
  
---|---  
  
P1:

| 

You tell the strangest, tallest tales.  
  
P2:

| 

I don't know why you call her “Pal”  
  
P1:

| 

She seems a friend who's there, then bails.  
  
TIM:

| 

A false flag friend, not so, not so!

She's more a bossy dad or mom.

(She knows not who I am to TOM.

I'd rather not divulge that, though.)  
  
_[SAL steps out from the tree.]_  
  
TIM:

| 

Hullo!   
  
SAL:

| 

Hello!   
  
P1:

| 

Hello!  
  
P2:

| 

Hello!  
  
SAL:

| 

Why'd you not fight when I said so?  
  
TIM:

| 

I've thought of it, and you should know.

So here's precice, my reason why:

I'm rather done, I truly tire,

of your flick-switch, oft-flamed ire.

Your bossyness is rather dry.  
  
SAL:

| 

You have new friends, so then goodbye.  
  
TIM:

| 

I don't wish this kinship to end!  
  
SAL:

| 

Why speak to me? I'm not your friend.

To order, logic, I won't tend.

So for yourself now you most fend.  
  
[END ACT THREE

CURTAIN FALL

ONCE IT'S FREE

EXEUNT ALL.]


	6. Act 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The merry little romp through... whatever this was, comes to an end.

Act 4

[A white stage with a white background just a watermelon tree by the lake. The sun is low in the sky, the moon is visible. It is pink.]

Scene one:

[Enter Paul and Pat]

BOTH:

| 

We're searching for a ball to bounce,  
  
---|---  
  
PAT:

| 

To throw and bat and run.  
  
BOTH:

| 

So let's--   
  
_Enter_ MR CAT:

| 

\--Hat I do thee renounce!

Be thrown into the sun!

_[MR. CAT throws his hat into the painting of the sun in the background. The hat bumps into the background and falls pathetically to the floor]_  
  
PAT:

| 

Sir CAT, what has come over you?  
  
MR CAT:

| 

I'm not happy at all.  
  
BOTH:

| 

We're here to help, we'll get you through!  
  
PAUL:

| 

Long as my name is Paul!  
  
_[There is another puff of smoke where the hat is. Enter HAT GHOST, looking angry. The lightubg will flicker. HAT GHOST begins moving towards PAT, PAUL, and MR CAT.]_  
  
HAT GHOST:

| 

It does not matter if you're big or small,

No matter what, I'm here to kill you all!  
  
PAT: 

| 

Sir CAT, your hat a person grew!  
  
PAUL:

| 

It looks like it was dead!  
  
MR CAT:

| 

I may have doomed our little crew!

Remember when I said:

“I'm just my hat's unwilling host”?

Well, here's this hat's unwilling ghost!  
  
PAUL:

| 

It wants to feast on us like toast!  
  
PAT:

| 

And all this just for bat and ball.  
  
MR CAT:

| 

It's chasing us, let's exeunt all!  
  
[Exeunt all, pursued by HAT GHOST]

Scene two

[ENTER PERSONS 1, 2 and TIM]

P2:

| 

Do you, perchance, know where we are?  
  
---|---  
  
P1:

| 

We haven't gotten lost again?  
  
P2:

| 

We may've wandered a tad too far.  
  
P1:

| 

Let's send for help, who has a pen?  
  
TIM _[Aside]_ :

| 

The colors gone, no red, blue, brown...  
  
P2:

| 

Excuse me, Tim, you look so down.  
  
P1:

| 

It seems you're in an awful state,  
  
P2:

| 

Tell us the reason for your frown,  
  
P1:

| 

We'll kick it out the entrance gate.  
  
TIM _[Looks at P1 &2, turns away. Aside]_ :

| 

The colors gone, no red, blue brown,

Deserted darkness, white and gray,

Numb, floating through the dark, dim, day,

See shattered rosy crystal crown.  
  
P1 _[Snaps in front of TIM's face]_ :

| 

Hey, earth to tim, is that your pal?

_[Points offstage.]_  
  
P2:

| 

If you try and you believe,  
  
P1:

| 

You ought to talk to your friend Sal,  
  
P2:

| 

You can do it! Meanwhile, we'll leave.

_[Exit Persons 1 and 2]_  
  
TIM:

| 

Before once more I Sal involve,

I'll catch my breath and my resolve.

_[Exit TIM]_  
  
Scene three:

[Enter SAL, who sees the watermelon tree, and begins to remove watermelons from it.]

SAL:

| 

Can't believe after all this time,

He'd end a friendship so sublime!

It really ought to be a crime,

to end a friendship in its prime.  
  
---|---  
  
_[Enter TOM and J]_  
  
TOM:

| 

What are you doing, if you please?  
  
SAL:

| 

Melons do not belong on trees!

Removing them is quite a breeze,  
  
J:

| 

I'll keep my cape so I don't freeze.  
  
_[ALL stare at J for a brief moment.]_  
  
J:

| 

We've something to ask you, please don't give us flack  
  
TOM:

| 

I've now learned my lesson, so please switch us back?  
  
SAL:

| 

My resolve has not, will not crack,

The punishment still stands up stack.  
  
TOM:

| 

To convince you what do we lack?  
  
SAL:

| 

Nothing, I will not cut you slack.  
  
_[Enter TIM]_  
  
TOM:

| 

Oh, TIM my brother, _[J shakes his head]_

Cousin, _[J shakes his head]_

Friend? _[J shakes his head]_  
  
TIM:

| 

I've come for SAL's friendship defend  
  
SAL:

| 

Did you send your new friends away?

What stories did you tell them, pray?  
  
TIM:

| 

Nothing you didn't do or say!

I'd not thought they'd react that way.  
  
SAL:

| 

So like a mule you talk and bray?

You've said your piece, now go away.  
  
TIM:

| 

You cannot say if I am done!

I haven't talked, I've not begun.

Don't want us to be setting sun,

I'm sorry for rui'ning your fun.  
  
_[Enter PAUL, PAT, and MR CAT, rapidly]_  
  
PAT:

| 

We're being chased by ghost thing, run!  
  
_[Eexunt PAUL, PAT, and MR CAT, rapidly. Enter HAT GHOST with the slowness of a zombie. Eventually, exit HAT GHOST]_  
  
TOM:

| 

Is that what logic's loss will bring?  
  
SAL&TIM:

| 

What in tarnation was that thing?  
  
J:

| 

Let's bring the horrid ghost thing down!  
  
ALL:

| 

We'll scare the creep-thing out of town!  
  
_[From this point on, PAUL, PAT, and MR CAT will periodically enter and exit, persued by HAT GHOST, behind the rest of the cast.]_  
  
SAL:

| 

Alright, here's what I have planned,

Let's ambush it, fight hand to hand!  
  
TOM:

| 

Well, I will get the cannons manned!  
  
TIM:

| 

I thought this weapons talk was banned.  
  
SAL:

| 

Have you another, better plan?  
  
TIM:

| 

I really just don't think we can

kill ghosts with weapons made by man,

If someone had some magic, though,

We could fight it, go toe to toe.  
  
J:

| 

Eureka! I've got it! Well, I think I know,

Remember, I do, how to make its head blow!  
  
_[PAUL, PAT, & MR CAT hide from HAT GHOST using the rest of the cast as human shields]_  
  
TOM:

| 

I'm not really sure that you know what's at stake,

we're fighting a ghost, not birthday-ing a cake.  
  
SAL:

| 

This isn't any time to joke!  
  
_[Enter HAT GHOST in puff of smoke.]_  
  
SAL:

| 

Attack, you fine, upstanding folk!  
  
_[SAL takes the lance, TIM draws his sword, PAT brandishes his bat. SAL runs HAT GHOST through with the lance, but the lance goes right through HAT GHOST]_  
  
SAL:

| 

My perfect plan...   
  
TOM:

| 

It failed, how?  
  
TIM:

| 

Might I suggest we run right now?  
  
MR. CAT:

| 

There's one thing we could do instead,

Did you hear what the caped man said?  
  
PAT:

| 

Something 'bout blowing up his head?  
  
PAUL:

| 

But can we kill it if it's dead?  
  
J:

| 

At the risk of seeming macabre and morose,  
  
TOM:

| 

I'm sure we all know where _this_ rhyming scheme goes  
  
SAL:

| 

If my hunch is true, then I _will_ punch your nose!  
  
PAUL:

| 

And you'll nevermore smell the prize winning rose  
  
PAT:

| 

But how can we beat it with just words like those?  
  
TIM:

| 

Let's just let him say it, but be on your toes!  
  
ALL BUT J:

| 

You want us to beat him by speaking in prose!  
  
J:

| 

That isn't the thing I was going to say,

The ghost is the one who must talk in that way!

Please tell us your story, O creature of gray!  
  
HAT GHOST _[Stops chasing after the cast]_ :

| 

My tale begins a long, long time ago,

A sorrow tale that's full of wrath and w--  
  
TOM:

| 

\--Time!

We simply cannot let it rhyme.  
  
J:

| 

I'm sorry good ghost, but please do start again,

A tale full of woe, you did say, well, and then?  
  
HAT GHOST:

| 

In all my life no person gave me love,

So now--  
  
PAUL:

| 

Never loved? That's awf'ly sad :-(  
  
PAT:

| 

But how'd it make you scary bad?  
  
HAT GHOST:

| 

So now I, over every house and henge,

Will finally enact all my re--   
  
TIM:

| 

\--Spect!

Well, did we get it?  
  
SAL:

| 

incorrect.  
  
J:

| 

_[To ALL but HAT GHOST_ ]

You know what they say, that the fourth time's a charm

_[To HAT GHOST]_

Keep speaking, hat ghost, we don't mean you no harm.  
  
_[HAT GHOST opens its mouth to speak, but its head explodes instead. It tries to keep running after the cast,_ _but is unable to as it cannot see. Exit HAT GHOST in puff of smoke.]_  
  
TIM:

| 

Is it over, is it gone?  
  
TOM:

| 

Has it filally left the lawn?  
  
PAT:

| 

We won, we won, hip hip hooray!  
  
PAUL:

| 

Three cheers for us, three cheers for J!  
  
ALL:

| 

Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!  
  
SAL:

| 

There's one last thiong I'd like to say,

'Fore night takes the place of day,

I'm sorry TIM, and TOM, and J.  
  
TOM:

| 

Can we switch back now?   
  
SAL:

| 

Yes you may.  
  
_[J gives his cape back to TIM, the actors'_ _roles are switched back to the way they were during the prologue._ _PAUL, PAT and MR. CAT circle MR. CAT's hat, MR. CAT picks it up.]_  
  
PAUL, PAT & MR. CAT:

| 

Tally-ho, tally-ho, sing now a magic tune,  
  
PAT:

| 

Oh lovely hat,   
  
PAUL:

| 

Stay with Sir Cat,  
  
PAUL, PAT & MR. CAT:

| 

Please don't make more ghosts soon.  
  
_[The hat does nothing, MR. CAT puts it on, it_ _still does nothing.]_  
  
MR. CAT:

| 

Goodbye young children, tally-ho!

Not even I know where I'll go.  
  
_[Exit MR. CAT in puff of smoke, J, TIM, and TOM_ _look astounded at the thin air where he was.]_  
  
PAT:

| 

And poof! He's gone, _Adiós_ Sir Cat!  
  
PAUL:

| 

_[PAUL takes PAT's bat and twirls it.]_

What can we do now with your bat?  
  
PAT: 

| 

Let's walk and think more about that.  
  
PAT & PAUL:

| 

Oh tally-ho, tally-ho tally toodle-oo.  
  
PAT:

| 

Let's fly above   
  
PAUL:

| 

or swim below  
  
PAT & PAUL:

| 

We're floating straight, right through.  
  
_[Silence]_  
  
J:

| 

I've still one last doubt, if I may be so bold,

so TIM, TOM, please answer before we're too old.  
  
TOM:

| 

I think that's a lie that's jut best left untold.  
  
TIM:

| 

Let's leave it 'till the case is cold.  
  
SAL:

| 

A mist'ry, J? that's quite absurd!  
  
J:

| 

Don't worry, I'll find out, you all have my word.

Because I'm the best at solving mysteries.  
  
[END ACT FOUR

CURTAIN FALL.

OPEN DOOR.

EXEUNT ALL.]

And now for

THE CURTAIN CALL

_ [A blank stage. One by one, each member of the MAIN CAST walk up to the front and bow. THE EXTRAS walk up to the front and bow, THE BACKSTAGE CREW walk up to the front and bow] _

_[Once ALL cast and crew are on it, ALL speak]:_

| 

So we've just one last thing to say,

Thank you for taking time today,

To come and see our merry play,

We wish you on your merry way,

Please visit us again someday.  
  
---|---  
  
  
  



End file.
